Kindergarten...

My little one...wants to be a professor. Just like me (well..i'm sort of a professor!) Ah..my heart runneth over!

Oh my dear lu-lu (one of Emily's MANY nicknames!) graduated from Kindergarten. Where has the time gone!?!?!?

RIP

My red shoes. I know...random post. But you have NO idea how long i've tried to maintain and hold onto these red shoes. Got them at good'ol Target 4 years ago (should have bought a few pairs!) but I can no longer glue or sharpie them. Since i'm not suppose to be shopping till August, I had a dilema this past week. Replace, keep wearing my sad little shoes, what to do, what to do...
Target had a sale for $15 red shoes. So, I told Ry and I got new shoes. Yeah!! Sorry, dear friend. We walked many a road together...time to say goodbye.

Ed's Retirement

Workin' the crowd

Ed is a HUGE, ENORMOUS USC fan. They used that theme throughout the party.

The Family (Linda not pictured, she is about to give a little speech)

My awesome father in law, Ed, retired from 35yrs of teach this year. The PTA threw him a suprise party that we knew about for months, yet somehow managed to keep it from him!! Below are some of the photo highlights from that night...oh and get ready...I finally found my photo computer cord, so i'm a photo uploading fool today!! hooray for updates!!!

Ed with his cakes

Ed and his lovely sister. We had her fly in to suprise him in case the party leaked and he found out about it. Well...it didn't leak, and to watch his suprise about the gathering when he walked into the hall was amazing, then to realize LeeAnn was here, was just a double treat. Thanks for flying out!!!

The boys...what is Will thinking in this photo?!?!

sunland..

SO....We (as in Ryan and I) drove out to Sunland. We left at 3:15 and took the 5, we did this intentionally because if we were to move out there, on Thursdays, i'd be coming back to Sunland from Biola at that time (that's when one of the classes I would teach next fall gets out) and it took exactly 1 hour to get to Sunland from Biola. There was only a little bit of traffic. So, we got there, were greeted by Duke, the senior pastor, and he took us to dinner. It was so nice to finally meet him in person. We talked about our process from the time we said no to Sunland till now. Then we went back to the church and met the elders. Again, so thankful to finally meet them in person. After we shared with them about our process over the past few months, to then receive Duke's email and the process with that over the past two weeks, they shared their process and how even on their end, the time between was God ordained and they needed that time as well. They got a chance to get to know me a bit, and we are moving forward in this hiring process with them. The stewardship committee is meeting between now and July 18th (the next time we meet with them, it will be to meet the leaders of the church at a bbq) and then will give us their offer.

Thank you for your prayers. I feel so thankful and it's been amazing to sit back and watch the Lord work this all out. I know I wasn't so thankful several weeks ago, and couldn't see what the Lord was up to, even though I knew he had to be up to something since he closed a door at Talbot for me. I sit expectant to now watch him work this all out.

Update

Thank you so much for those who left comments and also folks who wrote me encouragement in this time. I'm sorry if I haven't gotten back to you (abbie...sorry!) it has just been non-stop.

I'll pick up where I left off. We heard back from Sunland. From what I hear, this is not typical. Once you tell churches no, they don't come back to you. I recalled as I looked over my journal that if we say no to any church, Lord, if it was the wrong move, would you please bring it back to us. I know that I haven't posted this, but all along after saying no to Sunland, I kept thinking, "was this wrong?" I just didn't know if it was wrong or right. I didn't want to think about it because I felt like I was considering Sunland again out of fear because we didn't have any other 'yes' out there. But, we moved and trusted in faith. And Sunland came back.

So, a LOT has happened this past week, but to summarize, we wrote back and forth with the (ah...coffee..just took my first sip of it....hello friend!) Duke, the senior pastor, and we are going out there for dinner (the two of us with Duke) next wednesday, then a meeting with elder board that night. Then if all goes well and i'm sure further talks, job descriptions, answered questions of the reasons why we said no the last time and why we're saying yes now (i'll answer that in a moment), we meet with the search committee on July 18th (right after Ryan preaches at our church) for a bbq get to know you and your family time.

I think the reasons why we said no, a few remain to be answered. I think some of those questions might not be answered until you get into the job. You can't predict every scenario, every political fight, every triumph. Church can be such a haven, yet also such a prison, and we have felt both as we have served in various capacities. Truth be told, I just think it's down right scary at times to go back into church ministry after all we've gone through at different churches. However, we still feel so very called to ministry, together, in the church. One major reason why we said no, was the fact that we just didn't have a 'no' yet from Talbot. And last monday , we received that no. I still have a job there, but I can make it how ever many hours I want, which with the potential of moving further away and with kiddos, this works out really great. The Lord knew this when he said no to us/me at Talbot. I'm so thankful he let me know right away why he said no...that was super kind!

So, we covet your continued prayers. Discernment is a huge one-we don't want to take this out of fear that there is nothing else out there. There is the hope of something else out there that we will more than likely hear about next week too. There is also another church that has contacted Ryan...so they are not our only thing...just our only sure thing. But, is that so wrong? We prayed. God responded. In a way we had NO idea about, could not even manipulate or plan. Please also pray that we'd have clear communication with the pastor to know exactly their expectations of Ryan and that some of the things they offered in the last time we spoke still are on the table for us. Oh, another big reason we said no was because of health care. They were not going to offer it to us. Please pray that either that changes, or our talk with one of their elders who is in insurance is helpful, provides health care that we can afford that is not going to forsake our family's well being. Again, I say these things fully knowing that the Lord will move you to pray on our behalf as he leads you...and fully knowing that if this is the place we are to go, that He will fill in the gaps and make it work. He has so far....he's even let me lament and cry out to him in despair (see two posts ago!) and still cares for me in each.

Lastly...a dear friend said to us, "give yourself permission to make the wrong decision". i wonder if by saying no the last time, that was the wrong decision because it was so hard to say no-it was such a leap of faith...and we liked Duke so very much and the idea of them being able to work together and basically co-pastor together, was (at least to me in my words) dreamy. Now, it's back. And even if it might be a wrong decision even now...I just don't think it is. I say that so boldly because we are praying, we are in his will, we are not off galavanting (sp?) and seeking out other things apart from the Lord. We are abiding. If it's not what we are suppose to do, then he'll make it apparent and provide another job later. He won't let us fall (ps 55, matthew 6:25-34). He made that clear last week...even when I knew in my head that he wouldn't let us fall, my heart needed to catch up.

thanks for your prayers and for reading while i process...i/we'll keep you posted.

what?!!?!

literally as i finished typing this blog we needed to check ryan's email. in it was an email from duke, the pastor from sunland basically asking us if we might want to re-open the dialogue for considering the assoc. pastor position. what are you up to Lord?

we'll keep you posted...

what a week....

what a week! i'll post some photos soon (once i find my computer/photo cord!) ...but here is a recap:

final push to move
thursday morning had an interview at ISF for a job
aunt leeann came to town and picked her up at the airport on thursday, spent the night with her at the westin, did dessert and breakfast...super fun (HAPPY 60th!!!)
hid our dear aunt from her brother, my dear father in law for 24hrs
did some final moving prep for the big move on saturday
celebrated my father in law's retirement from 35yrs of teaching on friday night, finally got to let leeann out of the bag and she was a secret no longer
friday night-last night spent in hart hall...very emotional
woke up, got starbucks and coffee and moved 9 years of life to a new chapter that is yet to be written...literal. (i'll say more to that later)
moved (THANK YOU daus, stumps, hoopers, charity, julie, nate, alex, ryan, hubby, jake, daniel, mom and the many others who helped days/weeks prior...it really does take a village)
unpacked all weekend
monday found out i didn't get the job

so....now, we sit, in a new condo that thankfully we don't own and the rent is covered for a year. we have ry's paycheck till the end of july. we have a camp he is preaching at the first week in august...but other than that-the future is as clear as a blizzard.

to say that the last 48 hrs have been difficult is an understatement. in all honesty, i didn't think i was going to get the job for a few significant reason. one not being that i'm not qualified. i had all the qualifications-i had done everything on that job description. it just wasn't the best move for our family, and the Lord had to make that decision for us because frankly, in my human estimation, it was the best for our family. it would provide a stable income, insurance and it would be a job that i could do and i think love. i'm still employed as a spiritual director and adjunct professor. but i won't get paid till the end of september for the new semester of teaching (thankfully, they gave us a little raise). if i worked full time (it was more than a 40hr a week job, although they say it's only 40hrs), ry wouldn't have time to interview with churches b/c he'd have to be mr. mom. so, again, i understand....in my head...my heart however has yet to catch up with that. you can tell me logistically that we will be taken care of-i know that. but my heart is freaking out and despairing of what will happen to us. i know we will be carried, and that the lord has us in his hand. we have a roof over our head, food on the table...but i longed for some sort of stability... i know that the lord is stable...but this currently feels unstable. and i'm tired. this has been a hell of a semester...from interviewing in december with santa maria, to going up there, to not taking that job, to sunland, to not taking that job, to long beach, to not hearing back from them, to hearing about this job at talbot in february, then again in april, then waiting till the end of may for an interview, only to find out i didn't get it. why then did they even ask me to apply and interview for this position if they knew that they wouldn't hire me?! if you can tell, i'm grieving...on so many levels. grieving the loss of biola...grieving the loss of hart...grieving the loss of what i thought was an open door for talbot, perhaps another one will open, but at this point, we will search all over for a new job and it may take us out of the state...so i'm now grieving that because i didn't want to leave...

lord-what do you want from us in this time? i wanted us to rest after 9 years of living, loving, serving and ministering to college students...but how can i/we rest in this time with the future is so unwritten (in my sight, i know not yours)? sigh.....what are we going to do? lord-help. that is all i can muster in this time. show yourself.

sorry. this isn't the most uplifting of posts. but i'd be lying if i didn't share this. i needed to get it out. grief is messy, hard, sad, despairing, angry, weepy...

i think our experience over the past week/months has brought to mind birth. you are growing and maturing something so tender and beautiful for 9 months (our last 9 months at biola) and then birth occurs. it's rough. sometimes the labor is long, or super quick. you can't fully prepare for it no matter how much of an epidural or birth coaching you receive. once you get there, you have to do it. then birth happens...and all of the facets of after birth...sleep depervation, holding, crying, sleeping, caring...i just feel like i birthed. i'm getting rest. i'm eating, but the all of a sudden a wave of pain comes, like a contraction or that moment when you are trying everything in your power to help your newborn sleep, or eat...and it's not working. you just have to be patient and wait it out....

however, i'm tired...my sleep isn't restful...i wake up to the reality of our reality...and wonder what will happen today...

thanks for listening. thanks for your prayers. i'll keep you posted.