silence

I haven't posted in quite a while because frankly, all there really is to say is that the waiting process we are in is silent. Loudly silent. Have you ever been silent for a while and really, it isn't? Your mind is just running, planning, listing, doing everything BUT being silent? That is how this time has been for us. How do you wait patiently as the Psalmist says? Sigh....I don't know the answer to that. I have debated on posting anything lately because I just felt like I couldn't...but then I thought, maybe I wasn't alone. I'm sure that at some point or another many of you all have also felt stuck...waiting in silence.

One thing that is new, that we find out about today, is about our new home. I turned in our first renters application with all our info. One enormous grace and provision is that my in laws (who were amazing to begin with) are going to pay for our rent for a year while we transition out of life post Biola and Ryan continues to look for a job. Even typing that I become overwhelmed with gratitude that even when I think times are silent, the Lord knows and is at work.

Another place I have seen God at work in this silent time, is (i guess not so silent...so, maybe this time hasn't been so silent after all!) how he heard the things I wanted about a home and hopefully today we'll find out. Seriously, all this past weekend my mom in law and I looked all over La Habra/Fullerton/La Mirada at some places (staying in the area b/c I am the one employed at the moment) and it was bleak! I thought our price range was good but we just were not finding anything. Monday morning I journalled what I wanted and gave it up-was I being too picky? Not open enough? I checked craigs list and there was a posting for a corner upstairs condo with a garage, two baths, two bedroom, a LOFT! and a washer and dryer and a patio...in our price range (well, $25 over...BUT c'mon!) So again, I wait anxiously patiently for the Lord and our hopefully potential landlord, to find out if we get it. I'll let you know...

so many things....

Lately I have been feeling so many things. SO many. Since making our announcment that we are leaving Hart Hall, it has become more and more real to me that we are leaving. I know, duh, right? But, as we were having a fire drill of all things, watching the college students play with our kids and their faces just lighting up and enjoying themselves so much, I just couldn't help but think of the unique experience the little lows have had. then it brought me to the thoughts of how we came to biola with a matress, 25 boxes and a heavy tv. we are leaving with two children and a home full of furniture.

This past year has been a hiatus of shopping for me (no clothes). This sunday is my last clothing exchange (where all your friends bring good, old clothes and accessories to swap with one another) here in this apartment. Again, another 'last'.

As i continue to look to our future to wonder, where in the world the lord will take us, the only thing that i have come to is this-the very huge truth of the matthew sermon on the mount-to not to worry about tomorrow b/c it will take care of itself, today has enough worry of it's own. i experienced that last night as i laid down, mind racing, trying to let go of worry and fear of our future. i'm SO thankful we have a God who can take our fears, anxieties and every other emotion we experience. and I am ever more grateful that in that verse, it gives me a new lens to look through. when i hear that verse at first i felt like, "yeah, yeah, of course i'm not suppose to worry, but i am god! what the heck!?!? do you know what month it is?!? do you know we have NO job prospects any longer? don't you know about august and September when we won't have an income or health care?!?!? " then the verses prior to the above say, "do you not have enough clothes? enough food?..." again, the voice of the verse began to say to me, "be present. allow yourself the gift of grieving the loss of this place and what it has meant to you...be present, don't look to the future, but consider the blessings i have for you today.."

thank you lord. thank you for this place...thank you for ryan who you gave to me to listen to my cries at 1am in the morning over this (thank you coffee...) and for this blog to process a bit of my...well, process. help me to be present and to trust that you have our future in your hands.

another blog....

so...we love to blog....we've not blogged in a while because there are some things we have just not been able to make public yet. but here are some new things
1) we turned down sunland. they are an amazing church, just not a fit for us
2) we interviewed with a church in long beach that we are in the beginning phases with. we're going to check it out tomorrow
3) ry started a blog!! his very own blog! he is WAY more articulate and crafty with his words than i, here is his new link http://thatmansblog.blogspot.com/

so...check out his blog (although, he just made it, there are no posts quite yet)

we'll continue to keep you posted on our job hunting.

Easter, part one

Elena...hunting for eggs

Cara and Ellie...they were so cute holding hands!

I caught Michele by suprise! She is soooo beautiful and has the best curly hair

The Low men

Could she be any cuter? She totally posed for me : )

Katrina (Emily's dear friend who's family hosted the egg hunt) and Emily. Man, they are getting so big!!

Hey....He is Risen!! We have have an awesome weekend of celebrating with friends here and there. here are some photos of the weekend so far.

change

friends...

i'm so sorry that i've been quiet. There actually has been so much going on this past month with sickness and about our future in this vocational area of our life that to write you would be a daily occurrence. it felt too overwhelming to write/blog. seriously, just when i think the day is done, something else will bring forth new information and prayer (last night at 11:15p to be exact!). this past week and evening provided more info and prayer than i think ever in our life (or at least in my most recent memory).

last update: we were considering santa maria (the harbor church), tujunga (sunland neigboorhood church) and apu (PhD program). in and amongst this all was also the strong consideration of leaving biola this year after 9 years of serving the students of hart hall. here are some decisions that have been made so far and a small insight into that choice. again, i'll try to summarize (if you want all the juicy details let's do coffee, i'd love to tell you!)

last week we made the decision to say no to APU. after several significant conversations with wise counsel, the lord and just observing what was in front of us (the choice between higher ed or the church), ry felt called to the church, not the classroom. (again, a nutshell) we emailed apu and feel such a peace about this choice.

as well as saying no to APU, we also said no in our hearts to staying here another year at biola. after a week long prayer in this decision, asking for movement to stay, we both are one in the decision to leave hart this year after nine years of living amongst college students. this is a huge leap. last year we felt like we were going to go (heck, for a few years we felt like we wanted to go! but the Lord kept us, which in staying showed us the 'why' God kept us here for so long), but in deciding to stay, the Lord made is sooooo apparent-in making the choice to now leave, we feel confirmed by so many others in our life, as well as just in our own prayer time together. we are going to take the leap to go. we both feel so 'one' in this decision and we are at peace even though the reality of saying this out loud today is hitting us, we both still feel one. thank you lord. (if you wanna help us move in june, let us know! we'll need it!)

santa maria is a no. after further talks, prayer and discernment, we are saying no to santa maria. they want a youth pastor and a worship director. no matter how much they want to change the position, this is what they need. it would not be a good move for our family even though they are wonderful people, it's not a good fit (financially, theologically, philosophically...etc...)

so the 'yes's' in our life-

i still have a job (although part time) that I LOVE here at isf/talbot. that (as far as i know) won't change unless we move far away.

we thought we were going to keep william in preschool but after many meetings with teachers and school psychologists, we are moving him onto kindergarten!! i can't believe i'll have a kindergartener and a 1st grader!!! i'm soooo proud of them!!

ryan wants to be a senior pastor. after taking some time to dream, pray, journal and pray some more, and gathering wisdom from others in life, this feels like such a great fit for him. we doubted this last year, but that doubt took him on a journey into fears and anxiety that the Lord really brought the truth of himself into. i think now, in all honesty, the fear is "lord, now that we've made these decisions, will you bridge the gap and move us on" we trust his provision (there is soooo much to look back on and trust in this!) and therefore move forward looking for senior pastor positions.

sunland has brought another offer to the table and we are seriously considering it. it's an assoc. pastor position, but the senior pastor is part time and ry would really be acting in much of a senior pastor roll-just not teaching week in and week out. we are one of two folks they are looking at. we LOVE the senior pastor and feel like he and ry would get along so well. we have a meeting in which we both will be going to april 19th to meet the board as a couple, and dinner with Duke sometime in between then as well.

some checks of continued prayer and discernment that we are praying about (and ask for your wisdom and if you feel so led, a response):

do we feel called to minister in LA? can we see growing our family here? do we need to open our hearts (although i feel as though they are open to where the Lord leads) more? we LOVE duke (the pastor) and the men who are elders and serve along side Duke, but do we love this church? Sunday night brought a HUGE conversation into this area that we are weighing/discerning/praying etc...about. please ask questions, please offer wisdom...we are in the info gathering stage and covet your voice in our life. we don't want to take the job because it's the only thing out there if we leave biola. BUT, we don't want to be irresponsible. but is taking the leap to say no to sunland the leap of faith we need to take to see what the lord has for us?

there is much much more, but short of writing 10 pages, i'll end here. there is a dream out there that we are laying before the lord and we are praying that he'll open the doors to this...but in the meantime, we wait patiently upon the lord as he hears our cries (ps 40!) and watch expectantly each day as he continues to show us how is our foundation, our rock and our provider.

i love you all...thanks for hanging in there with our job updates...
aly

go away....

my attempt to make a dress, then em said "i like it how it is" so then i added another panel of the pink lotus flower to make it a bit longer so it's more boheimian (like the skirts i saw at target!) so now that i figured out how to do it, i have a TON of random fabric that i'm sure matches in some way to make some more flowie skirts for her since shorts are not her favorite. (sounds like someone else i know...that's MY girl!)

the skirt i always make b/c its easy and i seriously can make it in less than a hour...i do need to branch out, but it's too easy and it looks great on

remember the dress i repurposed below for myself? this is the left over fabric that i made a dress /jumper for emily. i added little rosettes at the straps to hide my stitching on of the straps. it'd be cute with just a tank for summer, or leggings/jeans and a long sleeve shirt for winter...hopefully when she's well she can wear it!

FINALLY made my friend's daughter her playhouse bedding (her birthday was back in january! the comforter turned out more like a pot holder! (sorry michele!) but, they could use it as an area rug!!

the skirt i made for ellie with left over adorable fabric...that could fit her thigh! it's way too small...so my dear friend katrina will get it for her newborn little girl. katrina, i still owe you diaper cloths and a nursing hider...do you still need those?

em, will and ryan have all had bronchitis the past couple weeks (em got it friday). em has had a fever on and off since friday and FINALLY last night at yet another luke warm bath with tylenol in her body to attack that fever...i think it finally (knock on wood) finally broke. we'll see...the cough remains...

so...what does a mother do when her kids and husby are sick? well...all weekend i cleaned, laundered, disinfected, washed, mopped every surface in sight (all but the couch, need to take the slipcover off and do that...jessica-the gift of this couch is unbelievable!!! this seriously was my dream couch while kids were in the house and my good dear friend jessica gave hers to me!! THANK YOU!! what would i do w/o slipcovers?!?!?) and then yesterday i sewed some new clothes for em...she needed a pick me up (and so did i!) i'm still figuring out how to sew, but at least they are wearable : ) i had purchased for christmas a box of random yardage of amy butler print fabric on ebay and am STILL making clothes with all of the fabric! i'm going to attempt an apron at some point this week...

anyway...are you all well?

update on job stuff...

We just had an awesome weekend (however, Ry now has bronchitis...bummer!) up in Santa Maria. The church had us all go up and check out the church and we were apart of several meals, meet and greets and Ryan was interviewed by the search committee. To say that the central coast is beautiful is an understatement. What an awesome gift from God to have clear blue skies, wonderful tour guides (THANK YOU RAES!) and a small taste of what it could look like to live up there and experience the community of The Harbor church. We loved the people and town. We are prayerfully considering, as they are too, if this is a good fit for us/them. We have a lot of variables to pray and consider. We are also meeting with another church up in the LA area. Ry meets with them next week and we visit the church this Sunday. Please keep us in your prayers as we discern what the next steps are, what the best fit for our family and Ryan is. We have not been offered a job by either church, so we are still here at Biola and committed to the awesome community here until the Lord moves us on. Pray that we are able to stay present to them in the process. We really enjoyed being up north, but again, staying open to the Lord in this process.

I have to be honest...it is sort of nerve wracking...BUT...I can't tell you how covered in prayer we feel and are so blessed by our community-thank you. I am also pretty excited each day to watch the Lord at work and what in the world he is up to. So i'm soooo expectant. We'll keep ya posted.