so many things....

Lately I have been feeling so many things. SO many. Since making our announcment that we are leaving Hart Hall, it has become more and more real to me that we are leaving. I know, duh, right? But, as we were having a fire drill of all things, watching the college students play with our kids and their faces just lighting up and enjoying themselves so much, I just couldn't help but think of the unique experience the little lows have had. then it brought me to the thoughts of how we came to biola with a matress, 25 boxes and a heavy tv. we are leaving with two children and a home full of furniture.

This past year has been a hiatus of shopping for me (no clothes). This sunday is my last clothing exchange (where all your friends bring good, old clothes and accessories to swap with one another) here in this apartment. Again, another 'last'.

As i continue to look to our future to wonder, where in the world the lord will take us, the only thing that i have come to is this-the very huge truth of the matthew sermon on the mount-to not to worry about tomorrow b/c it will take care of itself, today has enough worry of it's own. i experienced that last night as i laid down, mind racing, trying to let go of worry and fear of our future. i'm SO thankful we have a God who can take our fears, anxieties and every other emotion we experience. and I am ever more grateful that in that verse, it gives me a new lens to look through. when i hear that verse at first i felt like, "yeah, yeah, of course i'm not suppose to worry, but i am god! what the heck!?!? do you know what month it is?!? do you know we have NO job prospects any longer? don't you know about august and September when we won't have an income or health care?!?!? " then the verses prior to the above say, "do you not have enough clothes? enough food?..." again, the voice of the verse began to say to me, "be present. allow yourself the gift of grieving the loss of this place and what it has meant to you...be present, don't look to the future, but consider the blessings i have for you today.."

thank you lord. thank you for this place...thank you for ryan who you gave to me to listen to my cries at 1am in the morning over this (thank you coffee...) and for this blog to process a bit of my...well, process. help me to be present and to trust that you have our future in your hands.