i heart chocolate

My boy...just like his dad...LOVES chocolate
This is him after a chocolate cream puff from Beared Papa's
at Americana. Just had to share...if you also notice in the bottom photo,
he's holding onto one last piece ; ) I don't blame him, the cream puffs are DI.VINE!

A top-twelve list....

Our 12th wedding anniversary was a couple weeks ago! yahoo! we made it to 12 years!! We celebrated by going to a new location, but very beloved restaurant-Maggianos. We always...always get the maggiano's salad and split it, then I get the ravioli al forno and he gets joey d. It's heaven. And we conclude our love fest with Tirimisu. It was a great night to get away, just the two of us for a wonderful meal and conversation. With that in mind, here are 12 things I LOVE about Ryan...(I know...sappy..)

1) I have a disc of love songs he's written and recorded for me. I love his music.
2) I love that not a day goes by when I don't hear a pick up line from him.
3) I love that when he drives at night, he has to have the windows down. It reminds him of Disneyland rides at night.
4) I love that I can hear him coming home from about 100 yards at least away because his music is so loud in his car.
5) I love his patience with the kids and me
6) His grace towards me and my personal journey these past 5 years has been a model to me of Christ's love towards us and continues to inform how I relate to the kids, him, me and others around me in life
7) I love that he has given me permission this semester to settle into our new life post biola, and just to rest.
8) I love that he is a man...and that he wants to be bear gryls. And indeed, I do think, if a snake came our way, or if we needed to make shelter in the middle of the rain forest, he'd snap into man/bear mode and save the day. ; )
9) I love how he listens to people. (and me...and the kids too)
10) I love that he does the dishes.
11) I love that he doesn't mind that I drink coffee...obsessively.
12) and I love that after 12 years of marriage to my best friend, even when there are moments of frustration, or reconcilliation, I still can't believe how fast the years have gone and can't wait for so many more. I love you, ryan.

One Year

There has been much transition going on, so I actually just occurred to me, about three weeks ago, that my birthday has passed....thus ending my year of abstaining from shopping. It was rather odd...I went shopping with my Aunt in law and realized this. I was in one of the top three places I LOVE almost more than coffee (almost!) Anthropologie. We wandered around...tried things on...and I used some birthday money, allowance and a gift card to pick up a several great little items. I left the store, we wandered more around another new favorite place out here, The Americana @ Brand in Glendale. LOVE this place. LOVE. We ate our way through all the little vendors...drove home. And the hunger came. The ideas came. The negotiations came. I began to reason in my mind about going back to pick up a couple other items. I started to think about not how I could repurpose things that I already had into something I had seen in the store. That hunger to want to go back stuck with me for a few days actually.

I don't know if I have come to any profound conclusion to this drive and desire. Also in retrospect, what is life going to look like now outside and inside a store with no said boundaries outside of my pocketbook? My first thought was rather condemning. "Well, this means that ends shopping for you again, you can't handle it." Well, perhaps that voice has a place in this discussion. However, I don't think that is what this past year's process was about. It was beyond way more than behavioral modification. It was not only to examine the drive behind the desire to shop, to look cute, to hide behind the facade of a perfect outfit...and it was not only to learn to actually spend within my means-which I must be frank-didn't always happen either even with clothing shopping out of the picture. And to be more frank-i'm thankful about the fact that I didn't do it perfectly! (that is so me though, to do it perfectly) If I was perfect about it, would that not defeat the whole purpose? The point was to not only turn to God in those moments of need-to need something greater than the temporary fix an outfit brought to comfort me, it was to not look to shopping as my be-all, end-all comforter. It was also to go to God and seek out why it was that I didn't trust His comfort and to thus seek a replacement in the first place and how to confide to Ryan and others in my life about struggles that I have.

The journey is not over. The issue isn't solved. I will want to shop, whether at my dear Anthro. Target or Jcrew...I will also want to shop for fabric and paint, homegoods and garage sales for things for our home...so now, how do I / we walk into spending, saving, paying off, teaching ourselves and our children how to also do those very things we are now learning?

For those who have journeyed with me on this, thank you for your comments and support through this whole year. I'm actually very thankful that this journey isn't over-the problem is not solved, I have had the mentality for too long that everything needs to have a neat and complete ending. The only thing that I pray will be over or done or fixed about this whole process is that when the desire to shop comes, what I have learned will remain, intervene when I need it to, and most paramount-lead me to the one who created me to have desires, drives and loves and how He'll not only fill them-but also show me how to shop in a way that is not manic, filling and replacing his post.

Our new home

Hey all!!!! FINALLY...here are photos of our new home!!
Below...Ry's new piece of heaven...his very own
basketball hoop...oh heart be still

My little slice of heaven...our backyard

The TV room...yes, we have two living spaces and can have the TV
in another room...i LOVE that it doesn't dominate
our main living area

The dining area...the chairs are our very old great grandparents chairs
They will get a fresh coat of off white and the buffet will also get a new paint job

The below bookcase, came with the house and i think it works : ) still don't know
how I like the layout of the books...workin' on that still...

Random brick wall to go with the random wood walls...
and random wood hole in the wall
It used to house an aquarium from the owners

the bookcase below is going to be painted a dull yellow along with a
new dresser that i'm inheriting from a new friend that looks like the
buffet. i can't WAIT to paint! and I still don't know how i feel about
the bookcase arrangements...help!?!? any ideas?

My newly spray painted lamps!! the bookcase and couch
was given to us by another new friend...man, we are blessed with
furniture that has a story

Will's all-grown-up-big boy-bedroom.

Em's big girl all by herself not sharing with her brother bedroom.

As I complete new spaces and paint jobs, i'll post photos.

Life lessons from a Month spent in a new place...

Here is the basics of our life post Biola/post summer condo life:
1) Sunland is HOT! (but it's hot everywhere, so that's comforting!)

2) We are really loving our new home. We have more to clutter and then clean, BUT, i'm amazed at how this rental has become a haven and home so quickly, since we've only been here since August 30th.

3) Paying for rent and utilities is crazy. I tend to live conservatively, but now-i'm turning into my father in-law (whom i LOVE), "turn that light out!" and waiting till we are almost puddled on the ground in sweat before I give into the A/C.

4) Our new church family is lovely. I appreciate them so much. I do NOT feel overwhelmed by them, or perhaps any expectations they may have on me because i'm a pastor's wife. Unless I am oblivious to it, they have really given me space to get settled. I'm so grateful.

5) Settling-Ah...you yourself should settle into your seat-this lesson is still in process, thus the novel...

I am getting used to life w/o constant noise, knocks on our door...jetting to here and there...and let me tell you-it's hard. I have Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays off this semester when I usually just had one day off...and both kids are in school now, so I just have to constantly tell myself that it's okay if I don't do a chore today and just read in the stillness of my home while they are in school, or wander Ikea (there is one in Burbank that is about 10m from me...ah....i LOVE that! yet, quite dangerous!) or like yesterday, watch a movie and organize all my fabrics to see what to sew for Christmas. I am begining to feel more settled into our new life here. Last week was the first week of that for me. I keep saying "I" because I think Ry and the kids settled faster that I did. It is not as if I don't really like our new church, or our new home that seriously was a diamond to find in all the rough we saw is amazing......I drive into La Mirada for two days of work still and the first month of this was torture. I just wanted to stay. I didn't want to go back to Sunland. La Mirada has basically been our home since Ry was an undergrad in 1992. 1992-2010...that is a whole developmental stage from birth to college! We are just close enough to go back, yet far enough to not be an easy drive to visit...and leaving each Thursday to go home was a hard thing. I found my car auto-piloting towards the condo we had this summer. Oh-that condo was amazing! I actually miss the knocks and having someone suprise visit and need food, or just a cup of tea to talk...I miss that. People don't knock and come over here unannounced...how do you adjust to that after 9 years of spontaneous visits?...and I don't know how to not do that here...it's been hard to not, on my morning walks, go and just knock on a couple doors I know and say hey. I miss living in our community and pray that we can build something simular to what we had in LM here. (too bad we no longer have any free chicken, i'd have a BBQ one Sunday!)

However, I think it was okay to be in the place of sadness. What would anyone else expect? I had to keep telling myself that it was okay to be sad, it's only been a couple weeks...it's only been a month. I had to allow myself to grieve. I still am, but again-it was a significant time of living and building a home in one place to then just uproot (twice in one summer mind you) and begin anew. It has taught me so much. I have a LOT of space for people who are in transition and in a place of unknowing in their life.

Anyway...That is where I am at. I am actually feeling quite settled...and am thankful for our new place...I'll keep you posted on how we continue to connect to our new home.

Stuff

WOW! Has a LOT happened since our last post or what?!?! I swear photos will come soon...here is a quick update, a more thoughtful one to come soon as well...
1) we are officially moved. we now live in Sunland in a cute 3 bedroom house.
2) with that said...our kids officially separated into their own rooms. they were stoked...ry and i actually had a harder time with it than they did!! they have never been apart since birth (no, they are not twins...just really close together-15m apart!) so i'm happy that they have their own space to just be.
3) kids have a great school their going to start on monday (hurray!)
4) we finally got health care all squared away and will be officially covered by monday (i hope!)
5) we were gifted a new couch, washer and dryer, king mattress and other great things to add to our new home. i can't wait to show you before and after photos.
6) well...after photos will come later than sooner...there are still quite a few boxes to get unpacked
7) how did all of our stuff fit into a small dorm apartment for 9years?!?! we now fully occupy a 1550 sq ft home!!!

which then leads me to want to purge again. have you ever seen that show hoarders? i can't ever get through a whole episode! it's painful. and i don't want to become that. so often i hold onto things because i think we'll need that eventually and we won't be able to afford it when we'll need it, so keep it!! well...with our last two moves, we unloaded a LOT of old furniture and other things that i had to come to let go. how did i get to that point? well...many of those pieces were given to us in the first place (ie-this beautiful old piano that was given to us that i took lessons on as a child that i ended up giving to my friend who really needed a new piano) and parting with these pieces became a spiritual discipline. did i really trust that the lord had us in his hands and was going to provide for us? if i did, let go of the stuff and watch him provide. if we have a need, he'll provide it. he always has. what makes me think he won't this time? so...i let go of the piano, this amazing secretary hutch that needed a LOT of TLC that we just didn't have resources to fix, another antique piece and a few more items....only to then gain some items that we needed. i'm not going to sit here and say that i don't miss those other items (well...perhaps not the piano!), BUT...it was time to let them go and see what we actually could live with and not hold onto that piece.

so...now...how can i repurpose what we have to make it fresh and new? one word-paint! the kids start school next week and in this season/semester, i have mondays, tuesdays and fridays off...guess who is going to be sanding and painting her furniture?!?! i'll show before and after shots for sure. i feel super inspired by some blogs, dear genevieve and magazines lately...i can't wait to get started. for now...hopefully this weekend we can get the rest of the stuff unpacked and settled into where it will be.

i'll post photos soon. thanks for all your prayers and support. our life certainly is an adventure

What a journey!

So, for many of you this may be redundant, but for most, it's new news...

Ryan got a call on Sunday from Pastor Duke that Sunland Neigborhood Church has asked Ryan to be their Associate Pastor of Development and Outreach!! Our hearts were there for quite some time, but it's so sweet to finally have the final official call from them.

Now...let the rush begin!! We need to pack, move and start Ryan at his job by Sept. 1st! Thankfully, the church is paying for our move, so you dear ones who have helped us in the past won't need too!! We found a house within a bikes ride distance from the church and we put in all our paper work today for it. We'll see if we got it. I hope we do!

This might be new news considering there was talk of us living in the parsonage. It just isn't big enough for our family. There are a variety of other reason, but I think we would also just thrive more being in the community, having neighbors for the kids to play with, and not living where we work any more is a big one too. So now we pack and wait to hear about the house and once we find out, we're moving.

I start Talbot teaching again next week (i'm commuting in wednesdays and thursdays) and then the kids start school on the 13th (that is our next project! finding them a school!) so...please be praying for the house that we are able to rent it, that the kids transition well, and for this huge new chapter in our life. We've never lived a hour away from home, so this will be new for us all. Thank you friends for all of your prayers, notes, calls, emails and support! we couldn't do this without you!

love!!