provision

I've been so busy since my last post...i'm sorry it's been so long. So...you could probably assume why i'm so busy...kids...house...new church...new life...but, in addition to all of that lovely-ness, I was busy with something else.

Many of you know that last year I stopped shopping to examine motivations in my heart about this addiction of mine. Along with that addiction, and years of us as a couple not being on the same page about our finances (again, as many of you know who have walked this journey with us) we have a significant about of credit debt to get rid of. We thankfully are never late and can always make the minimum, BUT...how is that getting rid of it? One morning after dropping off the kids at school, Ry and I went out on our Friday morning date to talk (we both were home on Fridays). I had been home and commuting to Biola for two days of work this past semester, but that was not going to be enough anymore. That paycheck thankfully paid for our car issues (seriously, does anyone else have as many issues with their accord and civic as we do?!!??!) and we didn't use the credit cards (which we would have had to have done in the past-this is a huge shift for us!). But, something needed to change to help us break through and start making progress towards freedom. We decided I needed a job. Biola is only semester to semester, and not always work I can count on (depending on enrollment etc...). So, we prayed, and then went on our day.

Monday afternoon we had a meeting with our financial guy. Before that meeting my mom in law called and asked if I needed a job. I laughed as she had no idea about our talk on Friday! She knew it was on the table to talk about, but not that soon! So, I said yes and after our financial guy also confirmed I needed a job, we left that meeting with a voicemail from Linda who said she had a job for me! It's just subbing in her office in the school district she works in. I got all the paper work turned in, and the week after Thanksgiving, I started working! Three days at the district, and my two days at Biola. Welcome back to commuting life! I used to commute long ago when I worked at a law firm for years and years. So...it is only a sub job, but i have it till March and as I meet folks up in the offices there, they ask when i'm available and ask for my number! so, we have totally been provided for!!

Isn't that awesome! The drive in the morning to work is early, but it is beautiful watching the sun rise and there is no traffic! (because i leave soooo early!). Coming home, there is and it's not been fun, but i'm pretty use to the drive now and i'd LOVE suggestions for some music and podcasts to listen to/upload to my ipod.

Everytime I think about how hard this is to be away from the kids, I think-we have free child care after school, Ry is right next door to them, and we've openly communicated with our kids about our situation and how we all together are not in an ideal situation, but if we work together, we can learn and grow together as a family about how to be better stewards of our money and to together get freedom!

I might (if i'm brave enough) post the progress we make from time to time. We are making a poster this week of where we are at and marking when we make progress! I'm so excited to finally be making progress!! We have made HUGE mental progress on learning how to live within our means (the past two years I'm so proud of us! The only time we used our card was to move twice this summer. I don't think we could have ever anticipated how expensive those moves were going to be!), not using our cards-heck, even Emily noticed the other day when I pulled out my ATM card to purchase some christmas GCs and she said to me, "hey, isn't that a credit card! you are not suppose to use that!" hello accountability! I hadn't made it to the ATM yet to get money, so I had to explain to her what I was using and I thanked her for noticing and calling me on it! Oh kids....

So...if you are doing something similar, i'd LOVE to know...any encouragement to keep me/us all going is great!! I'll label this 'freedom' so you can always check how we're doing. I'll be honest-i'll post our victories as well as our struggles. But I think it's imperative to not let money rule our life-not let our debt define us-because it doesn't. I can let it-but no longer. Freedom!!!

Furniture Fun

We have met some dear new friends. The first night I met them, the dresser below
was in their living room. I gasped, and said, "that is soooo beautiful" they said,
"want it? we just re-did the girls room"
After I regained consciousness, I said, "i didn't mean to say that i wanted it"
they said, "oh, but you'd be doing us a favor"
Now, if you know me at all...this girl canNOT say no to free furniture.
It's against my DNA, i simply just don't have the will within me to deny furniture.
I said, "yes, thank you so much" as my insides lept a few dozen times.
A week later...
a dresser, matching desk, matching end table, another cute little desk and two twin beds arrived in my garage. HELLO!! Thank YOU Petersons!! You are my new BFF's!

Cue my husband and his sigh..."why do we need this?"

well....I did some re-arranging (as I usually do) and in a previous post I had a large pine bookcase which is now in our pantry (i know...odd place for a bookcase, BUT it's a free piece of shelving and storage that won't put holes in walls that our landlord sort of is against (shhh...don't tell him i have hung things! does he know who he's asking to NOT hang art or photos? um...hello?!?!)
So...I have this plain wall that now....

(the dresser before we sanded and painted it...we as in me and the kids)

Here it is below...all finished...occupying the space against the wall
where the previous bookcase was...complete with two wildflowers Ry picked for me on his bike ride with the kids while i was in a fury of re-arrangement.
(THANK YOU hunny for the flowers!!)

Inspiration for a yellow dresser from here

Still trying to figure out what I want on top of it...i guess it doesn't totally matter since Christmas is coming and what's on there will be dolled up for the holiday
(above and below are current options of arrangements)

Doesn't it just make you smile??!?! I know...a yellow dresser (hardware forthcoming)...but seriously, even when Ry came home tonight and gave me two wild flowers from the bike ride he took with the kids and they were yellow, i just smiled and said to my little gift of sunshine, "hello inspiration...welcome to your buddy, the yellow dresser"
I know...i'm a geek...what things in life geek you out? free furniture does that for me...free fabric...blogs with decor, dressing and sewing inspirations (although, sometimes those overwhelm me with what I don't have, or wish I could attain)
what inspires you?

i heart chocolate

My boy...just like his dad...LOVES chocolate
This is him after a chocolate cream puff from Beared Papa's
at Americana. Just had to share...if you also notice in the bottom photo,
he's holding onto one last piece ; ) I don't blame him, the cream puffs are DI.VINE!

A top-twelve list....

Our 12th wedding anniversary was a couple weeks ago! yahoo! we made it to 12 years!! We celebrated by going to a new location, but very beloved restaurant-Maggianos. We always...always get the maggiano's salad and split it, then I get the ravioli al forno and he gets joey d. It's heaven. And we conclude our love fest with Tirimisu. It was a great night to get away, just the two of us for a wonderful meal and conversation. With that in mind, here are 12 things I LOVE about Ryan...(I know...sappy..)

1) I have a disc of love songs he's written and recorded for me. I love his music.
2) I love that not a day goes by when I don't hear a pick up line from him.
3) I love that when he drives at night, he has to have the windows down. It reminds him of Disneyland rides at night.
4) I love that I can hear him coming home from about 100 yards at least away because his music is so loud in his car.
5) I love his patience with the kids and me
6) His grace towards me and my personal journey these past 5 years has been a model to me of Christ's love towards us and continues to inform how I relate to the kids, him, me and others around me in life
7) I love that he has given me permission this semester to settle into our new life post biola, and just to rest.
8) I love that he is a man...and that he wants to be bear gryls. And indeed, I do think, if a snake came our way, or if we needed to make shelter in the middle of the rain forest, he'd snap into man/bear mode and save the day. ; )
9) I love how he listens to people. (and me...and the kids too)
10) I love that he does the dishes.
11) I love that he doesn't mind that I drink coffee...obsessively.
12) and I love that after 12 years of marriage to my best friend, even when there are moments of frustration, or reconcilliation, I still can't believe how fast the years have gone and can't wait for so many more. I love you, ryan.

One Year

There has been much transition going on, so I actually just occurred to me, about three weeks ago, that my birthday has passed....thus ending my year of abstaining from shopping. It was rather odd...I went shopping with my Aunt in law and realized this. I was in one of the top three places I LOVE almost more than coffee (almost!) Anthropologie. We wandered around...tried things on...and I used some birthday money, allowance and a gift card to pick up a several great little items. I left the store, we wandered more around another new favorite place out here, The Americana @ Brand in Glendale. LOVE this place. LOVE. We ate our way through all the little vendors...drove home. And the hunger came. The ideas came. The negotiations came. I began to reason in my mind about going back to pick up a couple other items. I started to think about not how I could repurpose things that I already had into something I had seen in the store. That hunger to want to go back stuck with me for a few days actually.

I don't know if I have come to any profound conclusion to this drive and desire. Also in retrospect, what is life going to look like now outside and inside a store with no said boundaries outside of my pocketbook? My first thought was rather condemning. "Well, this means that ends shopping for you again, you can't handle it." Well, perhaps that voice has a place in this discussion. However, I don't think that is what this past year's process was about. It was beyond way more than behavioral modification. It was not only to examine the drive behind the desire to shop, to look cute, to hide behind the facade of a perfect outfit...and it was not only to learn to actually spend within my means-which I must be frank-didn't always happen either even with clothing shopping out of the picture. And to be more frank-i'm thankful about the fact that I didn't do it perfectly! (that is so me though, to do it perfectly) If I was perfect about it, would that not defeat the whole purpose? The point was to not only turn to God in those moments of need-to need something greater than the temporary fix an outfit brought to comfort me, it was to not look to shopping as my be-all, end-all comforter. It was also to go to God and seek out why it was that I didn't trust His comfort and to thus seek a replacement in the first place and how to confide to Ryan and others in my life about struggles that I have.

The journey is not over. The issue isn't solved. I will want to shop, whether at my dear Anthro. Target or Jcrew...I will also want to shop for fabric and paint, homegoods and garage sales for things for our home...so now, how do I / we walk into spending, saving, paying off, teaching ourselves and our children how to also do those very things we are now learning?

For those who have journeyed with me on this, thank you for your comments and support through this whole year. I'm actually very thankful that this journey isn't over-the problem is not solved, I have had the mentality for too long that everything needs to have a neat and complete ending. The only thing that I pray will be over or done or fixed about this whole process is that when the desire to shop comes, what I have learned will remain, intervene when I need it to, and most paramount-lead me to the one who created me to have desires, drives and loves and how He'll not only fill them-but also show me how to shop in a way that is not manic, filling and replacing his post.

Our new home

Hey all!!!! FINALLY...here are photos of our new home!!
Below...Ry's new piece of heaven...his very own
basketball hoop...oh heart be still

My little slice of heaven...our backyard

The TV room...yes, we have two living spaces and can have the TV
in another room...i LOVE that it doesn't dominate
our main living area

The dining area...the chairs are our very old great grandparents chairs
They will get a fresh coat of off white and the buffet will also get a new paint job

The below bookcase, came with the house and i think it works : ) still don't know
how I like the layout of the books...workin' on that still...

Random brick wall to go with the random wood walls...
and random wood hole in the wall
It used to house an aquarium from the owners

the bookcase below is going to be painted a dull yellow along with a
new dresser that i'm inheriting from a new friend that looks like the
buffet. i can't WAIT to paint! and I still don't know how i feel about
the bookcase arrangements...help!?!? any ideas?

My newly spray painted lamps!! the bookcase and couch
was given to us by another new friend...man, we are blessed with
furniture that has a story

Will's all-grown-up-big boy-bedroom.

Em's big girl all by herself not sharing with her brother bedroom.

As I complete new spaces and paint jobs, i'll post photos.

Life lessons from a Month spent in a new place...

Here is the basics of our life post Biola/post summer condo life:
1) Sunland is HOT! (but it's hot everywhere, so that's comforting!)

2) We are really loving our new home. We have more to clutter and then clean, BUT, i'm amazed at how this rental has become a haven and home so quickly, since we've only been here since August 30th.

3) Paying for rent and utilities is crazy. I tend to live conservatively, but now-i'm turning into my father in-law (whom i LOVE), "turn that light out!" and waiting till we are almost puddled on the ground in sweat before I give into the A/C.

4) Our new church family is lovely. I appreciate them so much. I do NOT feel overwhelmed by them, or perhaps any expectations they may have on me because i'm a pastor's wife. Unless I am oblivious to it, they have really given me space to get settled. I'm so grateful.

5) Settling-Ah...you yourself should settle into your seat-this lesson is still in process, thus the novel...

I am getting used to life w/o constant noise, knocks on our door...jetting to here and there...and let me tell you-it's hard. I have Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays off this semester when I usually just had one day off...and both kids are in school now, so I just have to constantly tell myself that it's okay if I don't do a chore today and just read in the stillness of my home while they are in school, or wander Ikea (there is one in Burbank that is about 10m from me...ah....i LOVE that! yet, quite dangerous!) or like yesterday, watch a movie and organize all my fabrics to see what to sew for Christmas. I am begining to feel more settled into our new life here. Last week was the first week of that for me. I keep saying "I" because I think Ry and the kids settled faster that I did. It is not as if I don't really like our new church, or our new home that seriously was a diamond to find in all the rough we saw is amazing......I drive into La Mirada for two days of work still and the first month of this was torture. I just wanted to stay. I didn't want to go back to Sunland. La Mirada has basically been our home since Ry was an undergrad in 1992. 1992-2010...that is a whole developmental stage from birth to college! We are just close enough to go back, yet far enough to not be an easy drive to visit...and leaving each Thursday to go home was a hard thing. I found my car auto-piloting towards the condo we had this summer. Oh-that condo was amazing! I actually miss the knocks and having someone suprise visit and need food, or just a cup of tea to talk...I miss that. People don't knock and come over here unannounced...how do you adjust to that after 9 years of spontaneous visits?...and I don't know how to not do that here...it's been hard to not, on my morning walks, go and just knock on a couple doors I know and say hey. I miss living in our community and pray that we can build something simular to what we had in LM here. (too bad we no longer have any free chicken, i'd have a BBQ one Sunday!)

However, I think it was okay to be in the place of sadness. What would anyone else expect? I had to keep telling myself that it was okay to be sad, it's only been a couple weeks...it's only been a month. I had to allow myself to grieve. I still am, but again-it was a significant time of living and building a home in one place to then just uproot (twice in one summer mind you) and begin anew. It has taught me so much. I have a LOT of space for people who are in transition and in a place of unknowing in their life.

Anyway...That is where I am at. I am actually feeling quite settled...and am thankful for our new place...I'll keep you posted on how we continue to connect to our new home.