My Story:
So, here is a bit of the background of my story which will hopefully illuminate the reason why i am choosing to abstain from shopping for a semester (or maybe a year-going to re-evaluate this in the wintertime)
4 years into marriage and $12,000 of credit debt, I looked into going back to school. I didn't know how this was going to happen as I looked over credit statements showing us where we were at. However, there was no 'We" in this. I paid the bills, I was the one who told Ryan where we were at with the money-and I didn't tell him where we were at financially. As long as everything was paid and he had money in his pocket, he didn't ask or need to wonder where we were at. He began the wonder how we were able to afford some of the things we were doing, but never brought it up. This was ths Spirit beginning to prompt him to ask..,
One evening I went to my in-laws house to talk to them about school and if they would be willing to help out with the costs of it. It was at that time they shared with me of an inheritance they were going to be giving us from Ed's mother who has recently passed. This amount would mostly pay for school and pay off our debt. I cried. I cried for three reasons. One, that the Lord knew-he knew the exact number we needed and he saved us in ways we would never have been able to save ourselves. Two-humbled to my core that he would save us in the midst of my utter sin. And three-i had to tell ryan financially where we were at.
Well...a slap on the hand, two degrees, two children and 5 years later, we find ourselves in the same predicament again. How did this happen again!!? We were in the clear! I know why...I hid. I hid from the man I commited my life to an addiction I had that I kept saying I had under control. Shopping. There is a caviat-i'm not the only one-my husband loves to buy things and go out to eat etc..etc...but i never said no, we can't afford this or that. Consumption really is the word of my addiction. But, am I alone? I have to admit, it feels pretty lonely here...I know I am not though...
This is why I am choosing to blog about it. Well...several reasons. I type faster than I write, but of paramount cause-because I don't want to hide anymore. If I continue to choose the path that I have chosen to live, loss will be my future. Satan will do anything to continue his directive in me to hide-and I can't let that happen anymore. Where there is light, there is no darkness. I want to be known. I have NO clue who will find this blog and read it, but my prayer is that it reasonates with some in a some small degree, and that as I process and journey my way through my self-prescribed rehab, that we can all minister to one another.
Who doesn't have an addiction of some sort? What does it look like to walk each day thinking outside the box of consumption and to see how truly each one of my needs has been met and I need for not that much.
thank you for indulging me as I wonder into this world of light and Love. welcome to my blog. welcome to my journey.
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