Hard

It has been a hard few days. Life has been fine. But hard in the fact of my whole no shopping, no spending that is not for food or cleaning. It isn't that I really want a bunch of things, but my mind just really goes into a spin of when I do want something, what can I do to get it? Confessing it and getting it out in the open also diminishes a lot of the pull that the desire has. Here is where my thoughts went...

I think it began because we had to take our car into the shop and found out about all these repairs that are in need...new transmission, leak in the coolant/radiator...among other things. I just wanted to sell both cars and get a new one. That wont solve any problems. We would still need to fix both cars to sell and can't take on a car payment...Lord, help me to be content with the cars we have. They are both paid for (although not after the repairs, but still...), they both fit our family...they may not be the most shiny and new cars out there (which again, is hard-that sin of comparison looking at others and what they have and desiring to have that too), but they work and they are a gift. Please provide a way for our car to be fixed and running well.

It's hard to admit when things are hard. I see a lot of blogs out there that are all shiny and pretty and don't really talk about what is hard in life. I'm sure there are blogs out there that do...but it's been hard for me to be honest about where I am at in the past and I so want to break that habit in me...so here I post...it's been hard.

It'd also be nice to have a date with Ryan when we go have fun and don't talk about what is going on and just go have fun!!...no serious talks...no working things out (although, our talks even when they are hard are still amazing...Lord thank you for the husband you gave me who doesn't explode when I open up...who listens and responds calmly...) just some good fun. mini golfing or having my dad sign us into disneyland or something...we need cheap or free fun, any suggestions?

Thank you for listening to the process...I have wanted to bring the other blog of entries about my no shopping process over here but haven't had the chance. If you want to check it out, it's at www.conversantlife.com/alyssalow. I think i'll blog here about it. There was a sense that since it was over there at another site that it was not apart of our life in general, when that is so not the case. I have comparmentalized my life for so long, even here in blogging I sort of hid it over there really not knowing of others were reading it or not. I want to show the shiny happy things that happen in our life-they are a blessing! But i also want to not hide the real stuff that we walk through too...It's life. Life isn't always easy, it can be so hard at times. But the hard times cause me to lean more into Christ and the community He has given me...and this medium of processing and journaling is another place where it is helpful as well.

Blessings on the rest of your week. feel free to comment
aly